On today's installment of Josh Mocks the Jobs He Can't Get, we'll take a look at an ad that ignores the children, a desperate role reversal, and old people trying to use the Internet. As usual, click screen grabs for bigger.
1.Okay welcome to the Bronx! I mean, whatever school posted this ad is clearly in need of an educated teacher because Jesus Christ what is going on with this grammar. More importantly, what kind of experience are they looking for? "Professional" ones. So if I say that I taught my kids back at summer camp how to get on a teenager's nerves in under a minute--at a professional job that paid professional money--would I be a candidate? Who knows! Also, the contact email for this job is in the UK. Sounds totally legit!
2. This dude will pay you 500 bucks if you help him get a job. In fairness, I understand his desperation (I love my internship, but stipend money ain't cutting it). What's great though is that this guy tarnishes his endearing vulnerability with demands. A lot of demands! A lot of demands for someone who's just placed a Craigslist ad looking for a job. He wants to be a "concept artist." He also wants to be a full-time artist; in other words, "no temp job, part time, paid internships, or contract work." Even though all those jobs he just listed pay money, which he clearly lacks. After that he's doing okay, he's saying how he wants someone else to open up the doors and let him into the fantasy magical backroom of graphic design where heaps of artsy jobs are just waiting for the right sad lonely Connecticut college graduate, and then...oh look he got trashy. "If this works, this would solve the first and most obvious bind of being unemployed, so if you help me get out of this it's more than likely I'll feel good enough to throw in something a little extra...." Of course. Of fucking course.
Are you an old person, also called a baby boomer? Then you should check out the Internet! This is a "REAL" job for which "you will utilize Face book and Twitter and other social media to reach out to our target audience." If you use the Facebook and look at weblogs and you also enjoy heavy-handed sailing metaphors, then this is the perfect unpaid internship for you, middle-aged person who should be too old to have an internship! "You must be a creative writer with the brain of a salesperson and the soul of an explorer. Chart new territory, learn to think on your feet, be captain of your own ship..." and float with them, dangling from a single wooden plank, through the cyber seas until you reach the Elysian shores of relevancy, where you will all tweet about how great Bruce Springsteen is and worry about immigration. Ahoy!