Tonight I finally saw SonicVision, Moby's 420 playlist paired with some neat graphics blown up on a huge screen at the Museum of Natural History's planetarium. It was wonderful and definitely lived up to the hype my friends had given it.
And what better way is there to stop smoking weed? None, I say, so I'm quitting for a little while.
I'm in no way saying that smoking a lot of weed is bad or that in order to be productive, you have to stay off the herb. That's not what I'm saying at all. What am I saying is that recent circumstances have added up and led me to the conclusion that I should lay off marijuana for a little while. Here are my reasons, in lazy list form:
1. Getting high isn't as fun for me as it used to be. See, the problem with doing a substance--be it recreational or medicinal, as in the case of NyQuil, for example--often enough is that you come to have certain expectations. Great nights are had, highs are achieved, but pretty soon you need more and more to achieve the same effects. That is called tolerance. When my tolerance gets too high, however, I start replacing a notion of having fun with a mental checklist, waiting for certain things to happen and never appreciating my time spent high. I've lately come to realize that when I get smoke now, I don't do it for the fun of getting high--I get high to watch a TV show, to eat a sweet food then a salty food, and to Stumble on Wikipedia, in that order. I get high, in other words, and still have to do things, because my mind must create order in situations and I am neurotic. And what stoner wants to do things?
2. I'm getting lethargic. It's not just my weed tolerance that's gone up; it's happening with caffeine, as well. But when my rudimentary coffee stops even slightly waking me up after a previous night spend in a weed-induced haze, and I'm feeling fatigued all throughout the day--no matter how many cappuccinos I pay too much for--well, it can't just be caffeine's fault. I am lanky, so I'm tall but I'm thin, and chemicals really affect my body and stay in my system. So while I'm certainly not high 24/7, the more I smoke, the more I have that general drowsiness that accompanies a proper sesh. And while that drowsiness can be nice on a chilly winter weeknight, I need energy to propel me through those chilly winter weekdays. Especially because...
3. ...I'm still jobless! And therefore not receiving a paycheck. And therefore cannot justify spending fifty dollars on an eighth, or even splitting that with a friend, with my current frequency. This one's the really sucky reason that actually isn't just me being neurotic, but a fact is a fact is an empty bank account. I already go out to bars and clubs a lot less than I used to, and while there was a lot of complicated reasoning to go along with that, the sad reality remains that drinks are expensive in this city, and I wouldn't be able to pay for many vodka tonics anyway.
4. I need...I need to know I can do this. Look, I know that marijuana isn't physically addictive. But I also know that there is such a thing as psychological addiction. To me, that point comes when you can't think things are funny without being high, when you feel you've "wasted" a staying-in night if you haven't smoked, when you grow despondent over not having any more weed. And while I haven't exactly reached obsessive levels yet, I do worry that I'm getting close to the Rubicon--that moment when I can no longer imagine life without weed. And it's enough that I'm (sadly) there with cigarettes. I don't need to be addicted to smoking two things.
5. I've generally been pretty down lately, for a lot of stressful reasons, and I just don't think weed is helping; in fact, I think it may actually be making my feelings of depression worse.
Woo. By blogging about it, I'll be able to hold myself accountable, and I hope my readers will help me out. (Even those of you who do partake.)
I'm not saying that everyone who smokes a lot of weed will experience these things; chemicals affect each person in different ways, and what grows tiresome for one person may grow more exciting for someone else. So this isn't a veiled insult toward anybody's lifestyle, seriously. But there's no way for me to deal with the problems I listed above without giving up smoking altogether, for the time being.* I hope to get a lot of my issues straightened out so that I can go back to smoking weed in a truly recreational way. But right now, even if my relationship with Mary Jane is still intact, it's definitely getting shaky, and sometimes taking a break is just the thing that will make the reunion all the sweeter.
And the reunion will be all the sweeter.
*I am making one exception: suburbia. Houses, real houses, were practically made for smoking in. Should I find myself in, say, New Jersey or Long Island or the greater Philadelphia area in the near future, I won't not smoke. But then, when I'm at a house in the first place, it ususally means I'm on some sort of vacation, and vacations are special magical times when the calories don't count and your brain cells can't get destroyed by any amount of drugs or alcohol. I hope.