Tuesday, February 3, 2009
how most people can stride confidently through snow/sleet/ice without a shred of worry about falling, when I literally shuffle like a senior citizen from place to place? It takes me at least twice as long to get wherever I'm going if the ground is in any way slick. I am so clumsy that I fall even when the ground is dry, so I'm even more paranoid when it's slippery. I can't talk on the phone or listen to my iPod when there's ice on the ground. I must concentrate. I have to walk incredibly slowly, taking small steps, lifting my feet obscenely high to avoid accidentally making contact with the ground too quickly, having my legs fly out from under me, landing directly on my tailbone, cracking it, and then noticing my laptop got smashed into a million pieces by the cement.
That scenario I just mentioned? That's what I'm picturing the entire time I'm walking through slush. Obsessively, over and over again, I physically shudder when I envision my chin smacking against the pavement or the way my cheeks would tingle after recovering from a particularly public fall. If I stop thinking about this for a split second I will fall flat on my face and require stitches that leave me with a very visible scar.
But other people oooooh they don't have this problem! Other people, even if they're wearing heels or flats with patent leather bottoms, other people just glide on by, leaving me in a literal cloud of slush. I feel helpless. I imagine me creeping through the snow, feeling trapped by my crippling inability to not-fall-in-slick-locations, is what it's like to be elderly. (Sidenote: Sorry I rush you, Grammy! I'm just usually inordinately excited to go to the Olive Garden every time you visit and I hate waiting for you to put on all that rouge)
So heh um, is this OCD or neuroses or just good old residual, nostalgic humiliation from that time I face planted in front of all the cool seniors in the high school parking lot?