Friday, March 7, 2008

White people are so predictable

Over the past two weeks, several different people have directed me to this website, proclaiming it hysterical and "sooo true!"

So I think I found another thing white people like... the stuff white people like website.

Seriously, the only people who have sent it to me are white! My half black roommate? Nope, didn't send it. My black stepdad? Nope, no email from him about it either. But like every white person I know has told me how funny it is, which only demonstrates the stereotypes satirized on it even further; I mean, you can only really like that website if you like other things white people like, such as Arts degrees and Grad school and liberalism and political correctness. God, whities are so predictable.

-Jess

Thursday, March 6, 2008

MUST MARRY THIS GUY

I found my future husband. Ignore the fact that he sounds a little douchey.....

And while I don't necessarily fret over the fact that I smoke most days, (doctor's orders: for someone with the dramatic anxiety level that I have, there's really nothing wrong with using it to relax. I mean, they prescribe it for anxiety in Cali) I know a lot of my friends will be comforted reading this article. A friend and I went to the gym the other day and he wondered aloud if his inability to run the distance he once could might be attributed to the amount of pot he smokes; yeah, or you just haven't been to the gym in six months.

Though I am dreading ever having to get a chest x-ray.

-Jess

Out of my life and off my buddy list


Yes!

Except I kind of liked A Million Little Pieces... sure, the writing was awful, but he GOT A ROOT CANAL WITHOUT NOVACAINE.

Oh wait jk. He lied. He IS like an ex boyfriend! I also am always tragically attracted to the seemingly soft on the inside, rough around the edges but actually just rough everywhere and virtually incapable of human emotion type Frey depicted in the book; unfortunately, while Frey's character was fictional, all those boys I've dated in this category are sooo not. :( :( :(

-Jess

Jess and Josh's friends make it work

Jess and Josh's dear friend Brad's boyfriend, Christian Siriano, is the official winner of Season 4 of Project Runway. His clothes were elegant, chic and avant garde - verging less on costume and more on high couture. Victoria Beckham, she of high taste and a nerveless face, even offered to let Christian dress her. While watching the finale last night, we were all waiting with bated breath; but it's no surprise Christian won. His collection was cohesive, stylish and extremely fashion-forward. Jillian's knits were hideous and too Ann Taylor, even though everyone seemed to love them (What was with that striped sweater with the brillo sleeves?!) and Rami's bordered a little too much on Express. Christian's ruffled collars and (dare I say) Alexander McQueen inspired jackets (he did work for him) were well-made and looked beautiful on the runway. And hurrah for his love of ethnic models! There are not enough out there.

So... congratulations, Christian! If only Josh and Jess had half your talent; though Josh does have lots and lots of hats. Not that he made them or anything.

Christian's designs can be seen here.

-Jess

The apocalypse is near

See this:
Notice anything different?

Facebook has taken away the "Looking for: Whatever I can Get"option, and subsequently robbed all bros of their chance to attempt irony.

First censorship, and now a clear conservative (read: Christian) attack on the sexual promiscuity of college-aged kids and their pathetic, out-of-work alcoholic perv Uncles everywhere. Taking away the "Whatever I can get" option is an obvious comment on the degredation of society as a whole; what's next, banning I Love New York fan groups because her vagina could swallow the entire western world?

-Jess

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

This is a photo series I'd like to call: HATZ

Josh is a man of many hats. He has hats in corduroy, cotton and wool. He has tophats, baseball hats and train conductor hats. Yes, Josh has lots of hats.

THE STRIPER
The brown wool tophat
Newsboy #1
Newsboy #2
The bro baseball cap (why do you own this?)
The emo monogrammed ski hat
The hat I hate and want to throw away
The black tophat
The corduroy train conductor
- Jess

Oh, So THAT'S What He's Saying

Jess encouraged me to do a post about the different kinds of facial hair and what they represent. I like that idea and will be working on that soon. But for now, watch this. The song works perfectly, and any video that references both Tommy Pickles and wife-beating is alright in my book. And by "alright" I mean hilarious.

-Josh

Monday, March 3, 2008

Dear men: It's time you had a shower

This guy is no style icon, trust me.
Maybe it's because I live in New York, or maybe it's because I'm constantly surrounded by teh gayz. Whatever the case, one of the first things I (admittedly, shallowly) notice about the opposite sex is his clothing.

And I'm not alone. One of my coworkers got into a fight with her significant other this weekend over his... wardrobe malfunctions. And it made me think: does what your boyfriend wear really make a difference to your relationship, or are women just shallow?

We've all heard men referred to as "fixer-uppers."
He'd be cute... if he cut his hair and got some new sneakers.
I would date him if only he didn't wear that same sweater every day.

Perhaps the same beauty standards men hold women to are slowly creeping up to bite them in the ass. To which I say: it's about damn time!

Because clothes do make a difference. It's not only about public appearance, but it gives the impression that you don't give a shit about how you look, and for women, that's a huge deal. Having pride in your appearance is one thing -- being a metrosexual is another. We're not asking you to gel your hair or bathe in Axe or have a wardrobe comprised of only Brooks Brothers. All we're asking is that you not wear that same stain encrusted faded buttondown you don for both holidays and lazy Saturday afternoons.

It's really not much to ask when you think about all the things women are expected to do to be considered beautiful by your standards. Do you know how long it takes to shave your legs? How painstaking it is to apply eyeliner just right? Not to mention the hair: blowdrying and straightening alone takes 45 minutes.

So next time your girlfriend asks you to please put on something clean, something unwrinkled, something a normal human being would wear: just oblige her. Unless you want her to stop shaving in revenge. Think about THAT.

-Jess

65+ Catholics videochat too

My Gma, in all her Catholic glory
Last night, after avoiding talking to her on the phone all day, my sister sneak attacked me with a video chat invitation - and who should appear on the screen but my grandma! Hi honey! Wow, technology is so advanced these days! Wow! I can see you! Wait, you're blurry! Can you hear me? Hello?
-Jess