Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I hate taking my shoes off at security


Me, in the airport, terrified.

It's my birthday! I'm 20! And as everyone keeps reminding me, the 20's are when everything happens to you. Or at least, everything is SUPPOSED to happen to you: graduation, your first real job, marriage, kids. I'll be surprised if I accomplish the first two. But here's to the next decade of my life, and I'm spending the first day of it in La Guardia. The carpet smells moldy and the Air Canada terminal is sad. I think my plane is a propellor plane and that makes me fucking nervous, because you guys don't understand how nervous I am to fly. No really you don't. I'll be popping 3-5 Xanax within the next hour just so I can get myself to BOARD the plane. Then I have to switch planes in Ottawa and spend another 7 hours clawing the seat/hyperventilating until finally (hopefully!) I land in London.

Wish me luck I'm actually terrified.

I won't be blogging until I get back so... cheerio bitches!

-Jess

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

This Time, Josh ISN'T Posting When He's High


Just a few things that have been going on lately:

1. Okay, I know the Super Bowl was a while ago, and all the commercials have been recorded and laughed at and blogged about already, but I just came across this tonight, and I've already watched it five times. It's not even that funny, it's just...I dunno, the guy's voice is so right, and the way the babe seems to lean forward and say "whoa" after he spits up--so that you feel like that's what he's thinking, even if you hadn't heard the voiceover say it--is the perfect ending. E*Trade paid a lot of money for that spot, but it's nice to know that at least they've got a sense of humor about it.

2. In response to Jessica's post about Kanye: Yeah, he showed a tender side at the Grammy's, and yeah Jay-Z likes to rap about his bitches and bling, but at least Jay-Z has the dignity to not act like a child. Also, Jay-Z isn't absolutely fucking crazy. This kind of behavior discredits West's personality, at least to me, so I can't fully buy into moments like his singing about his recently-deceased mother in front of millions of people across the country. Because, you know, when you've just said that we "should be honored by my lateness / That I would even show up to this fake shit" (I'll admit the Grammy's are about as fake as they come), I'm not really prepared to see you show love for someone else. Maybe it's just me, but it was almost too quick a transition. He should've just stuck to one mood or the other, if that's even possible. Back when Biggie died, Diddy didn't sing about being the shit at the VMAs--it was a straight-up tribute to his late friend, and it worked, just because he went all out. I believe West's sadness; I just don't know if I believed his delivery.

3. People of New York City: Why am I still seeing Henry Holland knockoffs strolling down Lafayette? Sorry, it's over. It ended a while ago. I see kids in the Midwest wearing those shirts in their Facebook pictures, so you know it's really over. (No offense to our Michigan fans/bloggers--I'm sure you guys have wonderful taste. I'm talking about South-Dakota-how-dare-you-teach-these-kids-evolution-you-pagan- monster Midwest.) Seriously? Find a new trend. Fashion Week just ended, so I'm sure Urban Outfitters will be picking up on something from the runway in the coming weeks.

4. Oh, hey Winter, glad you could join us. I know this is typical January weather, but, like, global warming. I was totally not prepared for the onslaught of cold we've experienced the past couple days. My Dashboard weather-thing says we'll be back to the 40s by the end of the week, but my Dashboard weather-thing did not predict snow for today, so for all we know we could be in the Kelvins come Saturday. (Yes, I'm a nerd. Look it up.)

5. It's almost my birthday! For the first time in my life, I really don't want anything besides money. To like, pay for food, and stuff. Does that mean I'm a grown-up now? Or just another jaded New Yorker disappointed that credit-card technology has yet to reach our pot dealers?

-Josh

Monday, February 11, 2008

But Jews and Muslims have to pay a premium to God Himself


EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
"Safe" Christian community? Meaning that communities with other religions intermingled are not safe, obviously. Someone go to the website and tell me what it's like. I'm too scared to go.

-Jess

Consumer alert

There is something dauntingly feminine and ethereal about this Erin Fetherston dress from her Spring 2008 Ready-to-Wear collection, and I want it so badly that my first born is about to be on sale over at Ebay:It's kind of like an impeccably constructed version of Bjork's swan dress, minus the fuggishness. So if you were wondering what to get me for my birthday (because I know all of you are), this dress would be it. I have no idea how much it costs but really, you can't put a price on love now can you?

-Jess

I'm trying to right my wrongs but it's funny those same wrongs helped me write this song



I don't know much about Kanye West or hiphop in general. But Kanye's performance at the Grammy's last night made me feel the way you do in the throes of an orgasm; chills all over, goosebumps, almost tears. The dichotomy between his performances of "Stronger" and "Hey Mama" is exactly why I love him (and am starting to get more into him). He can make me stand up and dance to this mashed up Daft Punk song, but what sets him apart from other rappers is the tenderness he showed during "Hey Mama." I doubt there was a dry eye in the place. Ask Jay-Z to sing about tenderness and he'll talk about leaving some bitch or some hoe. Maybe it was the fact that he was in that awful car crash and discovered this thing about life that we're all still struggling for; whatever it is, this made me cry.

Also, he's hot.

-Jess

A Very Serious Examination of Feminist Culture

Haha jk. I was totally gonna post something of substance, but instead I'll just show you this.



-Josh

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Muchos gracias


Thanks to everyone who came to my fiesta last night. It was great, except when the R.A.'s came in and we were all so high that we couldn't stop laughing at them. They were like, "I'm gonna need you guys to open the bedroom doors, especially the one with the towel under it." And when they went in they were like, "Hm, it smells funny in here." DUH. It smelled like some dank fucking bud. It was my birthday party! Gimme a break. Fascists.Well, it was super fun up until then. And if you didn't come then there's always next year when I'll actually turn 21 and can't get in trouble for silly things like 40's of Corona and having my friends dress up as pregnant cholas:

-Jess