Friday, December 12, 2008

Please Don't Take a Picture

I have nothing to do at work right now. Seriously, nothing. I could send out finished books to reviewers, but our label printer is out of label paper and it's surprisingly difficult to find more. Instead, I'm going to do one of those blog posts and get a few things off my chest. This isn't about anyone in particular, but it's more a general, this-is-how-I-feel kind of thing.*

1) Stop bitching to me that your holiday vacation plans have been ruined or your parents might have to sell their summer home or you can't afford front-row Britney tickets or you went to Intermix but could only afford three things instead of the five you were hoping to buy. Stop it right now. I know you just want to vent and maybe this economy has shaken you ever so slightly out of your fortunate economic circumstances, but guess what? I have absolutely no pity for you. None. I don't have a summer home. After New Year's, I'm going to spend the rest of my vacation time working. Not like I want a medal or anything, but for many people, fabulous vacation plans were never in the picture in the first place. My dad lost his job last week (again). My mom's had to get a job at fucking Borders to pay the bills. There are some days where I can't spend money because I literally have none. Zero. In my bank account. And now I have to look for a new job next semester, for while my parents pay my rent and apartment bills (for which I am incredibly grateful), I have to pay my way through New York. I used to be a lot more spoiled than I am, though I still have a lot of work to do as far as perspective is concerned. I'm just saying, that your parents aren't hosting a lavish holiday party at your three-story mansion this year because "times are tough" will elicit nothing but petty jealousy and, frankly, anger that you think it's a big deal. We all lead such charmed lives, and there's too much to be thankful for to spend your time bitching about stuff like maybe having to skip over one or two sample sales because you don't need a third pair of boots.

2) Similarly, stop bitching to me about your internship. "Well I want to work at *super-cool edy magazine* but I already agreed to spend twenty hours a week at *respected media company* and my dad said he could hook me up with a job at *financial company* but I'll just have to see, I guess." That's great. The one awesome opportunity I all but had turned out to be nothing but a pipe dream; I thought I'd be blogging for mtvU and they were gonna pay me and it was going to be a really great job that would work with my weird class schedule and I'd finally get some bylines somewhere other than NYULocal (I love you NYULocal, but you can't be my one and only) and I was finally gonna catch a break and I love music so writing about it would be perfect The economy had, wave of layoffs, Viacom can barely keep track of all the money it's losing, and suddenly student blogging isn't a priority right now. Which is totally, 100% understandable! But the fact that "this is happening everywhere right now" did not help soothe my disappointment, or even alleviate my irrational feelings of inadequacy--what could I have done to make this a reality? I still hold out a glimmer of hope that Viacom will turn itself around and I can actually get started with this project, but I doubt it. I'd be looking forward to writing for them for months--going so far as to make a sample post that was read my the mtvU higher-ups--but, you know, blogging won't reverse the recession, blah blah blah, now I'm back to looking for work-study jobs (remember how well that worked out last time?) that will pay the cash but will not give me any sweet contacts or career mobility or anything close to the superficial fulfillment a byline evokes. **
And I know I bitch about not being able to work an unpaid internship a lot; I'm sure it gets annoying after a while. And, you know, maybe I could find something else online that wouldn't require a strict 9-to-5 commitment, that I could do over weekends and late at night, and if that opportunity comes I won't hesitate to try to get it, but I've browsed more internship sites than I can count and most of them, justifiably, require a significant chunk of time and unfortunately, I need to be making money right now. Just as often as I whine about this, though, various friends complain to me that their internship is working them to the bone and I guess I'm supposed to sympathize with them or something but really, I just want to slap them and make them see how fucking lucky they are that they don't have to live paycheck-to-paycheck.

3) Sam has bitched about this before, but it bears repeating because some people just don't get it! Yes, we're talking online. Yes, you're with your two home friends and it's not that cold outside and you have PBR and we haven't seen each other in a week. But sometimes I just don't feel like leaving my apartment! Friends are almost always welcome to my place, so if you want to see me so badly that you'll bitch to me about not coming to see you, why don't you come here? Call me selfish, but sometimes I just want to sit in my bed and read my blogs and eat and wear my pajamas and not go outside. Fucking sue me. If our friendship really isn't worth more than my coming to your place to hang out, then maybe it's time for us to reevaluate why we're friends in the first place. I have plenty of friends who I don't see nearly as often as I'd like--hi, FIT people!--but they never once complain about the status of our friendship because I don't go up to Chelsea every week. Learn something from them and chill out. P.S. Proceeding to get angry with me for not coming over...doesn't help persuade me to come over.

4) I am more than happy to smoke out friends (with entirely legal herbal supplements, of course! Wink.) It's one of those things that you just let slide. But when we're getting food after--and we will inevitably go get food after--and I suggest that you pay for my two-dollar for it. Because technically, you do owe me money, and I'll never ask for it up front (except if I'm desperately broke, which, as I said before, tends to happen sometimes) but come on. When you buy me a drink, the expectation is that I will pay you back in kind or in cash. Just because it's not a Sparks doesn't mean you shouldn't do the same. Or just save us both some trouble and bring food with you. It's the least you can do. And it's so nice to not have to go anywhere to get your munchies on.

5) Finally, don't tell me and Jess--specifically Jess, but I guess it could apply to me too--that you read about us on Gawker and wow some of those comments were so mean and you thought it was so awful when that one person made that insult and that other blog called us immature and aren't we just internet celebs! We know what people have said. We know that some people don't like us. It isn't endearing or funny or clever to repeat their insults to our faces, in the name of recounting our shreds of virtual notoriety. We're glad you read J&J, and if you disagreed with something we said then by all means, argue your case. But don't rehash any flame wars, please.

*This is kind of emo and definitely venting and I won't be offended if you skip over it. Maybe it's the boredom talking, but I felt this was a good opportunity to get some points across that are a little hard to articulate in person.

**I actually don't know if I'm technically allowed to talk about this at all, as this project was to be "super-secret," but the way things turned out I feel a little jerked around, and at this point I feel it's more important for me to be honest with myself and with my readers than maintain the secrecy of yet another pitfall of the recession; after all, this is happening everywhere right now.



Anonymous said...

God, talk about satisfaction via proxy. More of these.

Jess and Josh said...

Agree 100% with all of this. Even in Paris I am subjected to #5. The best is when people say like "I can't believe they said all that stuff I totally disagree I love you guys!" Okay thanks then why do you have to quote specific obnoxious things that fake internet people have said in order to then get to a compliment? Passive aggressive much??

I can't wait to come home and smoke with you and buy you a $2 muffin.