Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wah wah wah

Bein' French
Yesterday was one of those days where from the moment you wake up you kind of resign yourself to the fact that you're going to feel like you want to kill yourself all day long. The night before I finished reading The Mandarins, which I am subsequently obsessed with, and I put "Pale Green Things" by The Mountain Goats on repeat. A little wine, a little weed, a little sleepytime tea and I passed the fuck out hoping to wake up feeling happier: to no avail. Simone de Beauvoir fucked me up hardcore. I sleptwalked through the day. I was assigned a huge French test to take place on Thanksgiving day. I sat through a boring 3.5 hour film class. Had dinner with two of my friends, drank too much wine: we talked like we were straight out of The Mandarins and it was depressing. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I will probably never get married. I get bored too easily.
Victoria: Me neither, which is fine, as long as I don't die alone.
Me: Who cares if you die alone? You're dead. You can't feel anything so how could you be upset that you had died alone?

And then we all stared off into the distance and Simone de Beauvoir chuckled in her grave. I wish I could find a way to not be so emotionally impacted by academic work. Every time I finish a book assigned to me in lit class it's like my whole worldview is changed; until, that is, I read another book, and my worldview does a complete 180 to align with that author's perspective. I'm so fucking permeable.

Also, heh, Thanksgiving will be spent in a Laundromat because the Doctor has to go to Geneva for a UN briefing. Stupid real life people with their stupid real life jobs. Can't we live in this French fantasy forever? Oh. Ha. No. It ends in 5 weeks and then it's New York, and ugh, hipsters, and double ugh, boy drama that does not revolve around me purposefully creating drama with British doctor and other French boys because I am bored. I am always bored. English has adopted the French word for this affliction. It is called malaise.

My Dad has a cool outlook on things, though. I was complaining to him last night and he said, "So what can you do tomorrow to have a better day?" And I thought about it and immediately was like "Ew, nothing" but then I decided I will go to Shakespeare and Co. to buy some new books (recommend some for me??) and then maybe see a movie on Montparnasse and then I am going to a dance performance with my roommate. Oh, also: drink.

Thus concludes this entry in my Livejournal.


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