Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Friends (Not Quite) Forever

One of my good friends, also a junior, recently told me that she was going to move away after college. We've had some really great times in New York together, and it saddened me to learn that I'll (probably) be living here while she won't.

But now things are weird. Why? Well, remember that early Sex and the City episode where Big tells Carrie that he doesn't want to get married again? And she talks about how she wasn't even thinking marriage until he refuted it? And then she questioned whether you can date someone who doesn't want to get married because it ruins the idealism of a new relationship that you two will be together forever?

It's the same way with friends. That's why the summer after my senior year of high school--my last in East Brunswick--was so weird. Sure, I was seeing my friends and going to goodbye parties (okay, like, two, but still) and promising to keep in touch and all that. But we all knew that this was the end of the road, that we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore, except maybe on holidays and during breaks. The knowledge of a future apart casts a pretty somber shadow over a current relationship, doesn't it?

So now I don't know what to do about my friend. I know I should just hang out with her like usual, go to dinner and see movies and drink cheap vodka and all that, but after she told me she'd be gone in a year and a half, I don't know. It's changed things, at least from my end. Our time together doesn't have the same meaning anymore. Granted, I probably won't stay besties 4evr with most of the people I count as friends now, but that's an unspoken reality that I largely ignore in favor of the pleasant fantasy that yes, twenty years from now we will still get together and drink merlot and watch old movies and take strolls around Central Park and talk about our husbands and all the stupid things they do. When I lose that, I lose some of my motivation, and the friendship loses its spark.

Or am I just being petty and neurotic? (Wouldn't surprise me.)


1 comment:

Vanessa said...

I think, maybe because I moved so much as a child, I don't ever look at things like this. I know what you mean in terms of a romantic relationship, but when it comes to friends I feel as though if things are genuine, you can make it work even with the knowledge that you'll soon be far apart. My mother's best friends are still in South Africa and Canada, and that doesn't make them less close...they just get less face to face time. College (or maybe just living in New York when you're young) is weird because so much of "being friends" is spending time together, but the truth is friendship is way more than that. It's often when you are farthest away from the people you love that you realize who your true friends are.

Whew, this was long. I guess I had a lot to say on the subject of faraway friends, and I guess I'm also kind of a little neurotic that when I leave this city people will forget me. Don't forget your friend! Okay I'm done.