Last night I finally went to Stan's, the new club-beneath-a-club on the West Side Highway. I had a good time, don't get me wrong (alcohol usually guarantees that), but, to quote Madonna, "I've seen it all before." To wit, I share with you now the Official Guide to Running a Hipster Party:
1. Your DJ's playlist shall consist of ironic 90s rap songs clumsily mixed with Motown classics. Don't worry if the beats don't sync; direct people to the bar at all times.
2. You will promote your club as an underground, grassroots kind of thing, complete with faux-ransom-note-style flyers, yet you will still charge six dollars for beer and ten dollars for well drinks.
3. For every man, there will be at least two high-school girls.
3b. For every high-school girl, there will be at least two grams of coke.
3c. For every gram of coke, there will be at least three people who actually have to use the fucking bathroom, just cut your lines in a corner or something, nobody cares.
4. DJs shall not take requests, ever, except when their coked-out-high-schooler girlfriends run behind the booth and take hold of their laptops.
5. There will be at least one girl at your party who gets really pissy and condescending if you accidentally bump into her on the dance floor, even though she's not dancing and there's plenty of available seating.
6. At least six people at the party will complain that it's not fun, yet they will not leave until 3am.
7. At least six people at the party will wear this.
7b. They will have paid too much for it.
8. DJs shall play at least one hipster anthem that people will pretend to be over but will be surreptitiously dancing to anyway.
Despite all this, as I said, I had fun. But, you know...it gets formulaic after a while.