Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Mac Dictionary Can Be Used as a Psychic


So I just came up with a new game and by “game” I mean “yet another useless yet time consuming ritual to contribute to my subtly worsening OCD” (lol I didn’t think it could get worse).

The game goes like this: I’ve been getting super nervous and anxious recently, to the point of wringing my hands/shaking for no reason and actually becoming one of those psychos who says to herself out loud in the elevator, “You need to calm the fuck down.” So one of the things that helps to either exacerbate or lessen my anxiety is when I put my dithering, fretful life into the hands of things I can’t control. This only works after I have taken Xanax. Basically I open up the Mac Dictionary and treat it like a Psychic.

First I hit a random key. The other night “K” came up. Then I scroll through all the K entries with my eyes closed and quickly pick one. I do this 3 times because 3 is my magic number and I have to do everything in sets of 3 like knock on wood when anyone makes a “sweeping statement” or fold my napkin three times while on a date with a cute guy who doesn’t understand that my rituals are a serious thing and god this is awkward.

The first entry was “keep it up.”
The second one was “keep.”
And the third one was “keyboard.”

I could go into this whole tangent about how those could either be the stuff of life-affirming inspiration or terrifying foreshadowing depending on whether or not I’m high while I read them; but I’ll save you the misery, as it is certainly a miserable task owning this brain (this would be when Josh inserts the “=/” face).

I will say that I decided to pick one more letter and one more entry for good luck because sometimes I do that if I think my three time rituals need a little extra help: I feel comfortable telling you that the final entry that I drew was “taco chip,” and on that note I think I am going to relax and spend the day in a French park, because how could a word like that foreshadow anything?

-Jess

1 comment:

Kathleen Watson said...

This reminds me of "Bible Dipping" from Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs.