Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Who Needs a Boyfriend When You've Got a Pillow?

So, this happened a few months ago. I don't know how I missed it; after all, I was single then and I'm single now.


I am so tempted to just end this post now, but I think I've subjected you guys to enough self-pity on this blog already, right?

Right. With that in mind, I think this is actually a pretty clever product. Sure, it might be a little "depressing"...but at the same time, if I'm already not getting any, but I want that cuddly feeling, you know, why not? It makes a great gift for someone in a relationship as well. If one partner has to go away on business, or has too much homework to hang out that night, well, maybe this pillow isn't such a bad substitute.

I'm really thinking about getting one. The only thing holding me back, in fact (besides my dignity) is the 45-dollar price tag. That seems a little steep for an item that I will surely soak with my tears each night; like, a pack of tissues costs a dollar and change at the drug store, and Kleenex won't make me confront my romantic loneliness. At least not obviously. WOO.

By the way, could the product description on that Web site be any creepier? It tells us about "his safe and warm embrace" (note the "his" instead of "its"), and then it lays this gem on the reader:

"Singles who want to feel the touch of a man without actually have to have one love it too."

Wow, they totally nailed their demographic! I've been wrong all along--I don't want a boyfriend, I just want to hold a piece of fabric that's shaped like one. Thanks, Boyfriend Pillow!


P.S. I still want one.


`nk said...

these offend me:


("Unlike the boyfriend arm pillow which has a heartbeat and is soft and snugly, the girlfriend lap pillow comes with realistic-to-the-touch legs and a tight short polyester skirt in your choice of black or red.")



flat chested? so you want big breasts to look at and to touch but they're too uncomfortable for you when you want to sleep on them? jesus.

but to be fair, "They will soon be bringing out a new range dressed in football team colours" (from your link) is offensive too.

also, does the boyfriend pillow come in a right-armed one? that yellow one that that woman is leaning on in the pic in the link you provided is obviously a left-armed one since the hand is palm-side up. so what if you can only sleep on the right side?

Jess and Josh said...

Well then I guess you don't deserve love.


Marshall said...

Hopefully this will make Jessica accept Husband pillows. Especially mine.

Jess and Josh said...

I have a husband! And he's brown. I've got jungle fabric fever.


Jess and Josh said...

UGH i fucking hate that pillows not shaped like rectangles apparently have to take on a name like "husband" or "boyfriend." these pillows can't get me off like my "boyfriend" the vibrator can and thus they suck. grr i hate them they're so dumb.

Anonymous said...

My office actually has one of these Hug Me Pillows, haha. I used it a lot when Max was in Berlin all summer - i.e. it provided warmth and served as a lamer version of my boyfriend.

It's on the couch in this picture:

And I also found it on overstock.com or something for $35, if that makes a difference :)