Saturday, September 27, 2008

CSI: Miami Is Still The Greatest Show Ever...

...But the season premiere (which aired this past Monday) was weird. (SPOILER ALERT, btw.)

It was somber, because everyone had thought Horatio died, and without one of his zingers to open the show,'s just the not the same. Sorry, Calleigh. Plus, the whole thing just felt a little...underwhelming? (Besides the boat exploding: see above.) Maybe that's just how these things always are, though, when you build them up in your mind for months. Or maybe I just need a life.

That said, it was still filled with ridiculous dialogue, crazy-dumb action sequences, Elizabeth Berkley, and an ending that was at once satisfying and, of course, cliff-hanger-y. It's too late for a live blog, but here are some of my thoughts.

1. Hey, ridiculous dialogue! Like a murderous gang member informing Delko that cops are "nothing but ducks on a pond." DUCKS ON A POND, he says, as he shoots the truck driver in the face. Also, let's not forget that the first spoken words of the show were Ryan telling his fellow team members that "Horatio's dead" five times. Seriously, I think he said that five times in a row. And he didn't get more intense or emotional after each repetition, either; he just said the damn line five times.

2. I'm impressed at the way the show's writers worked themselves out of the hole they had jumped into--Horatio getting show--without seeming entirely implausible. Yes, it's weird that Horatio would choose Ryan over Delko, and Delko was right to bring that up. Horatio's excuse was pretty lame--that he didn't want to risk Delko's career by involving him in a risky plan--and Delko's been on the force a lot longer than Ryan. I don't know, when it comes to life-and-death gang-related situations, I'd go with my most experienced team member. Which would actually be Calleigh, but whatever.

3. It's great that Horatio says he's going "underground," but I don't understand what that means when we keep seeing him talk to Delko and get money from people in the swamp. Is the swamplands the new underground?

4. Okay, at the risk of sounding racist or ignorant or know the show's in Miami and all, but enough with the vaguely ethnic gang leaders, please. Like, there are many names in the Spanish language; why do all of theirs sound exactly the same? I mean, come on, we've had a Riaz and a Diaz.

5. I like how Jake has scruff now that he's an undercover "bad boy" or whatever.

6. I also like how in the world of CSI: Miami, gangs are so organized that they keep track of how many illegal bullets they've used, and are able to get them in one place and sell them on a moment's notice. In other words, the gangs in this show are more organized than banks on Wall Street (in real life.)

7. So you definitely can't determine people's locations based on past calls they made to someone's cell phone. Just...for future reference, show writers, this technology does not exist. I'm just saying. Now you know.

8. Finally, at the end of the episode, a fucking boat filled with bullets explodes when Horatio shoots at it, creating a massive fire that goes on for a long time after the actual shooting. Horatio shot the boat from about a dozen feet away, yet he remained unharmed. Only you, H. Only you.

Such an awesome program. See you next Monday.


1 comment:

Marshall said...

Your obsession with this show is staggering, and only matched by one person I can think of. Can we change your SN to MarshallsMomsBFF?