Sunday, August 10, 2008

This is what it's like to be young and living in America. And by "America" we mean "suburban hell."

You know when something happens and you're fairly sure it will never happen again? Last weekend I went to a party thrown by an ultimate frisbee team in Fairmount Park in Philly. The team is sponsored by Victory beer so there were free kegs and a plethora of bros. Some people were playing beer pong. I felt like I was in 10th grade all over again. It was a fun night, but I was pretty sure I'd never be back.

Then a few nights ago I met a cute guy in Rittenhouse and we hung out and ended up spending the night making out in that park in Center City with the chess pieces and getting yelled at by the security guard of some government building for doing so. I kind of thought I'd never see him again even though we exchanged phone numbers. (This should demonstrate the faith I currently have in the male gender)

Well, last night both of these things happened again: cute boy met us at another party at the frisbee field. It was a strange combination of bizarre and familiar and uniquely suburban. I felt like I was watching a movie the entire time, particularly when:

1) Some guys found a razer you use to shave people's heads and tried to shave one boy's head. Then that boy got mad and slashed some guy above the eyebrow and in the stomach with the razer. There was blood and also flashbacks to 8th grade.

2) A guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck and approximately half of the teeth he should have had told me a story about how he once "smacked the shit" out of a cashier while fucked up on Xanax and whiskey because he attempted to use his scanner to scan the guy's barcode tattoo. (LOL) He then asked for a cigarette and when I gave it to him he literally said five times: "Thank you so much, sweetheart. Thanks hun." If you are not over 60 I honestly kind of take offense to strange men calling me sweetheart. Condescending much?

3) A guy named "Marcus" or "Travis" or something equally douchey kept hitting on us. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and kept trying to get people to do kegstands. When we left he made us promise to come to the final tournament the next day and to be sure to wear bathing suits because there will be a Slip n Slide.

Also this is probably disgustingly Freudian but make out boy's name is Joe and he is half Irish, a quarter French and a quarter Italian... just like my Dad.

-Jess

3 comments:

Marshall said...

it's always sunny in philadelphia

mattgreer33 said...

Oh Philadelphia freedom shine on me, I love you
Shine a light through the eyes of the ones left behind
Shine a light shine a light
Shine a light won't you shine a light
Philadelphia freedom I love you, yes I do

Katie said...

I've partied with that ultimate team -- they're nuts.