Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Really, Just Passing the Time

I am so bored at work. So, so bored. It's one of those things where I actually have work I should be doing, but I just don't have the energy. Seriously, 4:30 is just a prenatal 5 o clock, is it not?

Jess's road trip, for those of you not following along on her blog(s), is going well. She sends me picture messages of wolf's-head statues and rag dolls sold at gas stations. The midwest just seems like a weird place in general, though I myself would like to go someday.

Anyway, I wrote a poem:

There was a horse
Of course, of course.
The horse was a sloth,
Ate much chiken broth,
And blogged about media with force.

He was quite the talker,
Linked to by Gawker,
And laid bare all of his sins.
He was blasted by bloggers,
Chastised by loggers,
And learned on the Internet, nobody wins.

He went to some parties
With bunches of smarties,
Drank free booze to help shoot the shit.
But for all of his contacts,
No one gave him straight facts--
Even Huffington couldn't help him one bit.

So he blogged and he bitched
And then quickly hitched
Onto the fame of some others.
He stole what they wrote,
With nary a note,
Even though he was close to these guys--just like brothers.

Eventually it came--
That glorious fame!
The horse made front page of Jalopnik.
Twenty thousand hits,
A few media kits,
And soon the media world was sucking his dick.

They all wanted a piece
Of this horse (named Patrice)
So they emailed him, typing with smirks.
"How do you do it?"
"Are you gonna go through it?"
Referencing the book deal that was in the works.

Finally some young whazoo
Who went to N.Y.U.
Called the horse out on all of his crimes.
A scandal! A shock!
The horse was a cock!
The story even ran in the Times.

The horse apologized,
But nobody surmised,
That he was now being sincere.
"You lied before,
You equestrian whore!
Why should we listen to you here?"

His book deal now dead
And a pain in his head,
The horse returned to his barn to eat.
He then went to his site,
And--what a sad night--
Sighed and press the button "Delete."

Now feeling quite lonely,
And thinking "If only
I'd been truthful from the start,
I'd still have my fans
To buy me Ray-Bans
Instead of this pain in my heart."

"I have nothing to say and no outlet to say it;
What's the point of going on?"
So the horse shot himself and was turned into glue.



Vanessa said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Josh, I'm not gonna lie, that was hilarious. "Equestrian whore" and the last line definitely take the cake. Bravo, bravo.

Michael said...

haha. you sir make me laugh.