Tuesday, August 12, 2008

One Quiz Cosmo Won't Print: What does the Surgeon General's warning on cigarettes say about YOU?

I was hanging out with an unusual group of people I went to high school with the other night when one of them relayed a theory I consider to be pure genius. I have no idea if this has ever been purported or is even proven, but he contends that the Surgeon General's warning on cigarette packs relates directly to the demographic those cigarettes are targeted at.

His example was convincing: he smoked Marlboro Menthols, which are so Pennsylvania, and also, as he called them, "the pregnant woman's cigarette." Sure enough, the warning on the side read, "Smoking can increase the risk of birth defects."

I smoke Marlboro Lights and though the warning is not as trite and pretentious as me and my fellow ML smokers, it doesn't mention pregnancy but instead just tells us we are going to die soon, which is probably true. I'm assuming recessed filter Parliaments tell you that cocaine is bad for you and the Newports warning says, "Get a job." (Joke!)

It'd be awesome if you guys could comment with the brand of cigarettes you smoke, what the warning is, and how you think that relates to your demographic. Now I'm totally interested in proving this kid's theory right.

-Jess
Earlier: A Tribute to Cigarettes

10 comments:

CakegirlChicago said...

I smoke Dunhill Lights, in the light blue pack. The warning states: "Smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth & low birth weight." This warning highlights issues that white, highly educated females (like myself) would be (or should be) worried about. I think this kid is onto something...

My Infinite Numbered Days said...

Camel No. 9, the pink pack. "Smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight". I like the scent of no. 9s and also the advertisement--it sounds luxurious. Like Chanel no. 5 or something. But I'm a gay male, so this doesn't really apply to me. However, I think that women are supposed to be the target audience, so the surgeon general's warning would apply in that sense.

Ned said...

On a completely different note, Mad Men is awesome.

Mazi said...

yes and the prodigious amount of smoking in said show makes me want to take up cigarettes very badly. which is very funny given the nature of the work that the characters do (read: sell cigarettes to unwitting consumers)

k. mukai said...

Parliaments: "Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy"

Cigarettes For People Who Capitalize Every Word In A Sentence

Marshall said...

I respect my body too much.

eric e. said...

I used to smoke Marlboro Lights but switch to Camel Lights for two reasons: a) I heard/read somewhere that the Phillip Morris brand cigs are much more addictive and/or contain fiberglass that stick to your lungs; b) I dated a bohemian artist woman who smoked Camels -- she traveled a lot in Europe and made her own cigarettes, i.e. bought tobacco and filter paper "separately and roll it herself, and the reason why she smokes Camel (lights or otherwise) is that it's the brand closest to the cigs she smoked in Europe and the cigs she made.

As for the topic for this blog, the Warning on Camel Lights is the same as the one in Parliament"Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and May Complicate Pregnancy"(i think the warning in the U.S. is pretty much standard): based on this warning, I don't know what this tells me about my demographics, but based solely in my experience (can't generalize) the brand of cigs one smokes can often times tell you about the person or their demographics--i.e. People who smoke Camel Lights are addicted to the tobacco, and not the nicotine, and often times are neurotic, flakes, philosophical, contemplative and indecisive like me and my ex gf.

Sorry for the long-winded comment, which totally did not answer or help you in your "research".

P.S. Du Maurier cigs (made in canada) are quite good smokes. the warning labels (in european countries and canada) include pictures of what your brain, lungs, teeth, kids will look like if one keeps smoking , but I still get cartons of these whenever i am in Montreal.

bonne chance à paris, jess -- tu es jolie

Tiribico said...

Marlboro Menthols. Yea I know....Hey at least I'm being honest! Mine pretty much says the standard Marlboro thing, but I haven't been much of a smoker as of late. Can someone inform me what Marlboro Menthols mean for the individual?

tamar said...

In Canada there are about 6 or 7 different warning ads that are (seemingly) randomly placed on the pack of cigarettes; all brands share the same government issued warnings. Like Eric said, there are pictures included (the warning takes up about 1/2 the space of the pack). My favourites are: "Where there's cigarettes, there's hydrogen cyanide" & "Cigarettes can make you impotent"--the former for its hilarious stupid pun and the latter for its illustration (a flaccid cigarette)

Tiribico said...

Re: Tamar.

Oh lord, yes. I went on a road trip to Montreal with some friends a couple weeks ago and I bought a pack. 3 Canadian dollars. Insane. But ugh, I turned over the box, and the most disgusting picture you could ever find if you googled image mouth cancer or something. Basically, it was a large picture of rotting bleeding gums and teeth and yeah, it made the cig taste like blah. I had to doodle all over it in black ink so the pack wouldn't be wasted.