Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Things I Hate: The Abridged Edition


1. When people say: "Why don't you go ahead and *insert verb*." It's worse than passive voice because it's passive-aggressive passive voice. SPIT IT OUT. I'm obviously going to have to complete the task you're about to assign me, so quit pretending that I have any choice in the matter by padding it with unneccesary wordage.


2. Aggressive Noise Pollution: There's a great article in Salon today about this director who actually got thrown in jail for fucking with private property after he messed with a car whose alarm had been going off for hours. I live on a street that feeds cars from the Holland Tunnel into SoHo, so the noise pollution is unfuckingbearable. I don't mind a little white noise. In fact, when I go home I have trouble falling asleep because the suburbs are just so silent. But I do not need to be woken up every hour by garbage trucks and fire trucks and pickup trucks.


3. Pants With Dresses: It's 80 degrees out. Unless you have some kind of hideous rash on your legs, please refrain from wearing pants with dresses. Actually, no, fuck the rash. Just wear a shirt with pants! NOT THAT HARD, PPL.


4. Weak Ankles: I sprained my ankle once really badly as I was preparing to get on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. Since then, it's never been the same. I sprained it again in London and on the way back from that fucking awful movie we're never going to mention ever again. And now every time I walk I basically sprain it again, which has truly thrown a wrench in my running regiment. Not to mention I'm walking around with a cankle.


5. Mike Fucking Myers: Self explanatory. YOU OWE ME 12 BUCKS.


-Jess
PS - Things I don't hate: this. LOL!

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