Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Why I will Never Watch The Hills Again (At Least Until Next Season)

The season finale of "The Hills" really fucking pissed me off.

First of all, Lo, my old favorite character, morphed into a maniacal, manipulative super-bitch who barely masked her disdain for Audrina. (Fig. 1) I could almost see her brain churning, attempting to piece together ways to force the wedge between Audrina and Lauren in even tighter.

Then, when Audrina tries to have an honest conversation with Lauren about the state of their friendship, Lauren completely takes Lo's side! And cries like a little bitch! (Fig. 2) And basically tells Audrina that her feelings mean nothing, even though she had JUST ASKED Audrina to tell her how she feels. I used to hate Audrina. She has the same look on her face a newborn baby gets: surprised and bewildered by everything. She is perhaps the dumbest person on television, but at least she is honest about her feelings. (Fig. 3) MTV, or perhaps LC herself, have succeeded in making Lauren completely unlikable. It began with her unnecessary befriending of Stephanie, continued with her refusal to finally just patch things up with Heidi, and this interaction with Audrina was the nail in the coffin. What a DUMB BITCH!!!

But no. NO. My favorite HAD to be Heidi giving a huge fuck you to feminism and LEAVING HER JOB FOR HER PUBE-FACED ASSHAT OF A BOYFRIEND. (Fig. 4) She threw away everything she's worked towards for the past two years for a guy whose last name is a British curse word! She didn't have to choose. There was no reason she couldn't have the successful, lucrative career, and the lazy, mouthbreathing loser bf. But instead she had to leave Mr. Persian Business Man Himself, Sam Nazarian, and Mr. Closeted Rapist, Brent Bolthouse, behind without a single goodbye? Did you see that gleam in Brent's eye? SHE WILL NEVER WORK IN THAT TOWN AGAIN. Now all the little girls who watch this show are going to recognize the age old trope of boyfriend over job, and think, "Wow! That's what Heidi did! She's soooo pretty. Maybe I should do that." Not to mention that what Spencer did was not romantic in the least. It was mortifying, misogynistic, disrespectful and completely unnecessary. I get that he wanted to romantically sweep her away from the clutches of Sin City, but he could have at least waited for her business meeting to be over. Heidi was right - he has no respect for her. And yet, she still throws away everything to go home with him.

I'M NEVER WATCHING THIS SHOW AGAIN.

Fig. 1:

Fig 2:
Fig. 3:


Fig. 4:

-Jess

1 comment:

Jess and Josh said...

Shocking that Heidi, the plastic, reality TV pseudo-celeb, would choose to act on "romantic" impulses instead of pursuing a hard-fought, potentially rewarding career!

What happens when you become famous through modes of instant gratification (like reality TV), I think, is that you come to embody that notion yourself, and go for whatever's easiest. Spencer was right there, right now; whereas her career would have taken, you know, effort and patience.

I really hope that somewhere, some lonely, morally sound parent was watching this show with her daughter and then tactfully explaining all the reasons why Heidi is a total idiot.