Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Two Steps to Getting a Husband

I'm not sure what this means. Either New York Mag gave up trying to pretend that Sex Diaries are real and thus applied horrifyingly accurate characteristics to someone in the delicate throes of a breakup , or they actually found a real person this time. Either way, the consensus is depressing. We fuck other people but we miss our exes, even if they are liars and cheaters and assholes. Once we gain the power back and they reveal to us their weak underbelly, we immediately buck up and are Over It.

At least that's apparently how it works for guys.

I have spent my whole life trying to act tough in the face of men. I am well aware that I am an emotionally complex person, as all of us are, but that just doesn't sit right with some guys. I bend to their will, adjust myself effortlessly. It's startling to see that everything I've feared rings true, at least for Mr. Cheated-On, Out-of-Work Actor.

I think I will write a relationship manual. It will be called "How to Get a Husband" and it will have only two suggestions. (It will be a short manual)

1. Never let on that you're vulnerable
2. Give good head

-Jess

2 comments:

LOLSAM said...

always been my motto

Bianca Reagan said...

Ew. I'd rather be An Unmarried Woman forever.