Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Top 5 Things to Love About NYU

Disclaimer: I sent this to Ned to go in the Opinions section of NYU Local and he rejected it on the basis that it doesn't have a central argument. I'd say its central argument is why NYU sucks, and its supporting source is SNARK.

The administration and the school have been catching a lot of flack from this here website, so I thought it might be time for a list of the things that make NYU great. Below are the Top 5 Reasons to fucking love NYU.

1. Strawberry Fest: New York’s longest strawberry shortcake! Moonbounces! Marginally talented NYU students singing their little hearts out!
Disclaimer: With this strawberry flavored sno-cone, you acknowledge that all wounds inflicted by your growing debt, anger at the lack of knowledgeable professors and administration and a startling shortage of available straight guys shall be exonerated.

2. The Connectedness of the NYU Community: NYU is a large school, but students and NYU officials work hard to maintain school solidarity lost to our lack of a cheerleading squad. The best example of NYU’s attempt at bringing people together is no doubt symbolized by the Silver elevators. Hoarded in by security guards with plastic badges like cows to the slaughter, it’s the perfect time to comment on the flavor of iced coffee someone chose at Starbucks on the Square, or to remind someone that removing their backpack would really help you in the personal space department. It’s also perfect grounds for practicing the “strained smile,” a necessary technique needed when you awkwardly encounter people you talked to in a lecture or who lived on your floor freshman year and then never saw again.

3. Greek Life: As a freshman, there’s no better way to meet your fellow drunk freshmen than attending one of the rockin’ frat or sorority sponsored events held at the beginning of the year. It’s the only time you won’t have to show your freshly procured fake ID (especially if you stuff your ass into a pleather skirt) and you’ll be willing to spend $15 on a margarita. Hey! I think that junior over there is checking you out – be sure to cover your drink with your hand when he comes over to pretend to talk to you while looking down your shirt!

4. The Prominent Athletic Teams: Anyone up for a Bobst Diving Team match?

5. John Sexton’s Hugs: Melt into his open arms and smell the sweet scent of privilege and elitism. Hey! I think he wears the same cologne as John McCain!


1 comment:

Marshall said...

John Sexton Hugs is a great band name.