Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Rejecting Rejection

I generally find NY Mag's Daily Intel Sex Diaries feature amusing in the same way I find Gossip Girl amusing: I know that it's boring and fake, but I can't help but tune in anyway. This week's feature is called "The Super-Single Grad Student." The entry was just as mind-numbing as I feared, but one of the comments caught my eye:

So true of NYU. Pretty much no one has healthy sex lives. The arty/emo kids pork each other and then every other dirty arty/emo person in the city; they are thus burdened with afflictions that would make me vomit in 7th grade health class. The rest of the NYU chicks are either untappable nerds or socialite wannabes who assume they will meet the perfect (rich, metro, suave, funny, grounded) man. Since 99.99% of men in this city come nowhere near this ideal, these young ladies' dreams become so corrupted that they go to dive bars dressed like they are going to cocktail parties, pretend it is a cocktail party, get filthy loaded, and end of doing the boom-boom boogie with a skeezer-type fellow who hangs out at East Village dive bars. The cool guys at NYU are thus scared shirtless at the prospect of picking up some microscopic friends from the arty/emos and too self-critical to think they can began to fulfill the delusions of the soc wans (pronounced Szechuans), so they become humble, befriend the untappables, develop personalities, study, and get good jobs. The moral of this story for Lil Ms. Super-Single Graduate Student is that if you want a healthy sexual relationship with a grade A gentlemen, then why look further then the quiet young man in the back of your Wednesday seminar. Peace.
By NYAaron on 05/20/2008 at 12:53am

This is true in a lot of ways. There are a lot of JAPs and WASPs with Coach bags and glittery eyeshadow that traipse around like they own this city, wrists heavy with Tiffany's bracelets, hair straightened and lacquered with shine balm. But there are also girls like me, who are artsy in a (hopefully) non-offensive way, who are not hipsters or assholes frequenting East Village dive bars. The girls' situation is just as desperate as the guys'. With the internet, and the general human disconnect of New York that makes it near impossible to meet anyone normal, we're all just quiet young people in the back of Wednesday seminars.

I think a lot of it has to do with rejection, and the shifting of gender roles. My roommate and I were stoned and watching The Secret Lives of Mafia Women last night and the way one of them met her husband is because he pointed at her, drew her over with his finger and then made her dance with him. Am I crazy, or is that super hot? Why are guys not forward like that anymore? Have girls' standards risen so high that we don't care if we're rude and reject them? Are they too scared? I'm not saying I expect the guy to do all the work - I don't mind asking people out or calling them - but it'd be nice if guys did SOME of this stuff. Relationships are totally based on games, now. You can never be open with your feelings because the specter of rejection lurks near, threatening to ruin everything. I get the feeling it didn't used to be like that. Men were expected to be forward about their feelings. I kind of wish I could have seen those days.

But then again, I find myself so jaded by New York and relationships in general that when people are open and honest with me, and attempt to connect with me on a human level, I get freaked out and run. Yesterday at work I got asked out on a date by this 25 year old alum who came into the office. He kept making me write down films to see and gave me the website of Radiohead's publicity machine so I could try to get press passes for NYU Local when I go to see them in July. Then, as he was stepping into the elevator, he asked me what my name was and as the doors were closing, he kept pushing them open, and was saying, "E-mail me, Jessica!"

His forwardness - instead of making me want to e-mail him, even though he was kind of cute - just turned me off. So maybe I'm part of the problem, too. I perpetuate the games by being compliant, and refusing to change my archetype for what a relationship should be. I wish for forward men, but then I'm turned off by their advances. Where's the happy medium?

So anyway my point is: NYAaron -- will you marry me?



Melissa said...

Jess you are fing fabulous! Sorry for the shady alum stalker! Don't email him lol

Miranda said...

Right. I was going to say WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU JUMP IN THE ELEVATOR?! But that is why you don't take advice from NYU girls. Listen to Melissa.