My new favorite show premiered last night on E!, boringly titled Living Lohan. It's the BLOWhans, could they not come up with a more creative title?
First, let's get one thing straight. I've been obsessed with Lohan Mess #1, Dina, for quite some time now. I even once drew this on David's Facebook graffiti wall:
So it's only fair for me to admit that I'm going to be obsessed with this show no matter how much it theoretically sucks. That said, last night's premiere was fucking awesome!
Dina starts her day each morning by reading gossip rags and drinking coffee. She made it seem like it was something she absolutely had to do, despite the fact that her life would be much easier if she just ignored what everyone was saying about Mess #2, Lindsay. Ali spent 80% of the show talking about "her music" in a treacherously Long Island accent and applying makeup. She even admitted that her whole life revolves around attempting to exactly emulate sis Linds. She said something to the effect of "I try to look like her, dress like her and act like her." Sad.
Cody, the little brother, and Nana Lohan are my favorites. You know Nana don't take no shit, and Cody is so quintessentially normal that it's refreshing to watch him say things like, "People ask me what it's like to have two famous sisters. I just say they're my sisters and I love them." AWW. It's going to be extra sad when he becomes an intravenous drug user.
Then there was the random "music producer" Jeremy who Dina met through THE INTERNET. And then let BABYSIT HER CHILDREN. Ali clearly had a crush on him and was therefore pissed for more reasons than one when Dina's assistant came across an article with quotes from Jeremy "neither confirming or denying" the fact that he was dating Lindsay, whom Ali claims, "doesn't even know he exists!" My Lohan high was cut short by a retarded "To Be Continued..." announcement. Who uses that scheme during the pilot? Besides, we know that Jeremy talks his way out of that awkward situation because he appeared on the previews for the rest of the season, and they wouldn't keep him on the show if he was a press-twisting liar.
It's funny how the show itself almost wholly fixates on Lindsay's existence. There are constantly shots of posters of Linds hung up around the house, and both Ali and Dina referenced Lindsay, or "called" her, in almost every single scene. It's going to be interesting to see how a show built entirely around a character who never appears will operate. Hey - that sounds kind of like religion! Living Lohan is so the new Christianity.