Perception is everything, they say, and so I frequently perceive myself as the non-pathetic girlfriend type. The type that is a-okay with my boyfriend hanging out with his friends, or not texting me back right away, or putting my call through to voicemail if he's busy. I hate clingy. I spy clingy in the eyes of girls I hate, and then I hate them more. It's the patheticism that turns me off so much. I say all of these things, and then when I'm in a relationship, I become a fucking advertisement for them.
I'll say this: don't read old Facebook messages. You will end up hating yourself. All the cliches about women can sometimes ring too true, and it hurts when you realize you, too, played effortlessly into them. It hurts even more when you're so vocally against the cliches, too. Are we sometimes so blinded by crush-induced hormones that we don't realize a nonresponse from an "I miss you" message is a huge warning sign? Do we not recognize that emotional unavailability means disaster, or do we just think, "This one will be different. I can change this one," and go along hoping for the best? When will we... when will I... learn?
It seems like subtlety no longer works. Apparently we need to be whacked over the heads with a sign post, emblazened in neon, screaming: He's just not that into you! Would that make breakups hurt less? Would that keep us from frequently being rendered the weaker one in the relationship?
Because let's be honest, that's what relationships are all about: a struggle for power. And the one who maintains the upperhand always comes out less scathed.