Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Annals of the SATC Relationships

With the premiere of the Sex and the City movie quickly approaching, the press has been swept up in a Carrie Bradshaw frenzy, spitting out coy rumors about the potential cinematic death of Mr. Big (NOOOOO) and no doubt exaggerating the cat fights exhaustingly played out between SJP and Kim Cattrall. So this morning in the shower I got to thinking about relationships (get it?)– relationships on SATC, that is. Some of the relationships were achingly realistic, while others were so painfully forced and fake that I often found myself hurling the remote at the TV.

Carrie and Mr. Big: FAKE
SJP can shriek to high heaven that Carrie “wasn’t the kind of girl” who cared about Big’s money, but her addiction to Manolos and that one awkward time she had to borrow thousands of dollars from Charlotte reeks of a defensive need for gold diggerdom.

This relationship is fake, in that it is wholly idealized. Big would never choose Carrie over Natasha. These kind of big shot Manhattan blue bloods get off on parading their trophy wives around at gallery openings, and then fucking the poor, artsy writer in the dressing room at Barney’s. He would never desert Natasha, and Natasha would NEVER divorce him. They would maintain their sham of a marriage while they both took lovers on the side, and that would be that. In the real world, Carrie and Big would never end up together, because they are both too blindingly selfish to put aside societal norms and just be with each other.

Miranda and Steve: REAL

Steve is probably the most uncomplicated character on the show. He is sensitive and complements Miranda’s high power, intelligent lesbot game perfectly. And he has one ball for fuck’s sake! This relationship is totally believable because the hardcore businesswoman who pretends not to give a shit about anyone always falls for the puppy dog face. Miranda needs someone she can whip into shape, who will obey her every whim, who is sweet and caring and will make her feel like a woman, and not just a monster who eats cake out of the garbage.

I really want a Steve. :(

Charlotte and Trey: FAKE

Charlotte and Trey are fake in the same way Carrie and Big are. Remember when Charlotte fucked the gardener and Bunny laughed and said: Charlotte, you’re a MacDougal now! THAT is real. That’s exactly how it would happen! But it would stay like that. It doesn’t matter that Trey is impotent or Charlotte is attracted to Latin men who hold roses up to her pert, WASPy little nose; they would maintain the fa├žade of their marriage for the sake of money, a lack of a prenup, and that gorgeous 5th avenue pent house. Eventually The Post would cover a series of Charlotte’s tumultuous affairs, until she slit her wrists in the 24K gold claw foot bathtub, bleeding to death while dreaming of a life less Connecticutish. (Too morbid?)

Samantha and Smith Jarett: REAL

Okay this is probably fake – let’s be honest, a high powered female PR executive WOULD fall for a sexy, bottled blonde and built play actor from Brooklyn. She’d take him around town like the sweet piece of arm candy he is, but then she’d transition to the next one, especially after turning Smith into a brand a la his vodka ads.

But really, the sweetness Smith portrayed at the end, when Samantha was weak and ailing from cancer, gave me hope that there are hot guys out there with sympathy spilling from their six packs. And I can be a lot like Samantha, in some ways, running away when things get too serious. It’s nice to think there’s a guy who is patient enough to continue chasing you, even if it’s a smidge unrealistic.

What other relationships do you think are real or fake? I mean, besides Jack Berger, though him breaking up with Carrie on a post-it was startlingly realistic, and eerily reminiscent of relationships I’ve experienced ending via AIM.



Marshall said...

But it's all real! It's all 100% real. It just... has to be...

Jess and Josh said...

I agree with your assessments, but who cares if some of the relationships are fake? It's a TV show. It's SUPPOSED to be idealized. You don't always step outside and hail a cab right away; you don't lead a high-class life being a sex columnist, no matter how prominent your publication. I love this show, knowing that a lot of it doesn't mirror real life; but I get enough real life in, you know, real life, and when I watch HBO I want idealization and happy endings and scripted, unrealistic dialogue.

Jess and Josh said...

oh i don't MIND that they're fake, i was just analyzing them.

Jess and Josh said...

fair enough

Bianca Reagan said...

I really want a Steve. :(

Me too! I might want a Smith, too. Or a Cappie.