Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Step one to becoming a feminist: Get an egotistical boyfriend

Jezebel posted an article today comparing Carrie Bradshaw with noted feminists Sylvia Plath and Simone De Beauvoir. If you're a fan of SATC at all, you remember Carrie's egotistical, power hungry and emotionally unavailable (yet completely perfect in my eyes) boyfriend Mr. Big. He was rich and selfish and even cheated on his wife with Carrie at one point. Jezebel argues that there are cases of many feminist type characters falling for the anti-feminist. (I would definitely disagree, though, that Bradshaw is a feminist)

I'm going to use myself as an example.

I posted this a few months ago about the kind of guy I like. To sum it up for you, they're usually selfish, arrogant, angry egomaniacs who call themselves writers but rarely write anything. I like them because they don't get jealous and they let me flirt with other people in front of them and they really enjoy that I'm down to have sex whenever(/wherever). Perhaps that's the kind of feminist I am: all sex and power. And maybe that's the reason I'm attracted to guys who are so into themselves. Egomaniacs are too wrapped up in their own self interest to even notice that I'm macking on another guy right before their eyes.

Emotional unavailability is probably the most attractive quality to me. I am so in touch with my emotions that it's sometimes scary. I can tell what you are feeling before you even blink at me. Maybe I need someone who is stoic to balance that out. I also enjoy fishing for emotions beneath a hard facade. If you're open and outright about how you feel, I'll probably lose interest rather quickly.

Then there are the cheaters. Plath allegedly killed herself because Ted Hughes started dating another woman. I've luckily never been with a man who cheated on me, but I can only imagine how easily it looms in my future.

So why am I, and tons of other girls, always attracted to those who treat us as lesser individuals? Who laugh when we express our feminist ideals or think it's "cute" when we get angry? Who can't take us seriously, and then when we demand they do, they get angry that we're always so serious all the time?

The men who are cold, hard, minimal with their affections: these are the ones that reel me in the quickest. And unfortunately, as Plath's oven showed us, those are also the ones that drive us to emotionally violent extremes. I mean, I would never hurt/kill myself over a guy (talk about the anti-feminist), but it's not like I derive happiness out of being treated like shit. Or perhaps like many feminists before me... I do.

-Jess

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