Friday, April 18, 2008

New York's Finest Prove They're New York's Creepiest

I get hit on a lot. I'm not saying this from a place of arrogance; in fact, I'd prefer it didn't happen. Because it's not cute boys with glasses that are hitting on me, it's the delivery men, the truck drivers and the vagabonds of this world who find me attractive. My friends call me a creep magnet. It's flattering, I know. But today this reached a new level.

I'm used to the hoots and hollers from cabbies and movers and construction workers; they don't faze me anymore. But today while walking down Mercer on my way to work, I spotted a cop car parked outside of the Marc Jacobs store. Inside there was a policeman smoking a cigarette and eyeing the people walking up and down the street. I was immediately gripped with anxiety: even when I'm not doing anything illegal, the police manage to scare the shit out of me. I'm always terrified they can sense that I had smoked a J the night before, or that I'm a champion underage drinker.

But this policeman did not question me or give me an evil glance; in fact, he used his eyes to fuck me.

I got eyefucked by a member of New York's finest, and he wasn't even subtle about it. He even said, "Hey honey!" to me as I walked by.

Aren't police officers supposed to be protecting me from sexual harassment, as opposed to, you know, sexually harassing me? What would have happened if my dress had been a little bit shorter, my hair a little bit straighter, my heels a little bit higher? Would that have made me the subject of even more ridicule? And is there somewhere you can report sexual harassment by police officers?

I mean, it's not that big of a deal in context. He eye fucked me, he tried to flirt with me, I moved on, he kept smoking his cigarette and daydreaming about donuts. But I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what would have happened if I had been doing something illegal and they had reason to handcuff me? Part of me totally wants to play out that fantasy, and part of me is thankful I was an upright citizen at that moment in time, especially after last week's Law and Order: SVU episode.


1 comment:

Marshall said...

Mmm Stabler. Talk about New York's FINEst.