Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Faking narcolepsy

My co-worker Julie is probably not narcolpetic, but she certainly acts it. Once she fell asleep at a London intersection while waiting for the stoplight to change. She frequently dozes off at her computer, only to be woken up by the clanging of the Alumni Office telephone. She told me today that she googled narcolepsy, and that one of the cures for it is to discuss with your employer your medical condition, and by law, they have to provide you with a place to sleep for at least one hour each day in order to curb your sleepy symptoms.

So my question is: how do I fake narcolepsy?

Not to minimize the disorder; I'm sure it's actually a really terrible thing to have to endure. But wouldn't we all benefit from a naptime? And isn't it ironic that in pre-school, when you'd much rather continue your session on the jungle gym (hanging upside down so the boys can see your underwear was definitely my favorite time of the afternoon), you have an allocated naptime; and then in the real world, after lunch when you lapse into a food coma and really just need an hour or so to shut down, we have to force ourselves to stay awake until we get home at night.

But the problem is that when I get home I'm fully awake again. I am only really tired until midday, and after that I wake up and end up not going to sleep that night until 1-3 a.m. Then the next morning, I'm fucking exhausted. And so the animal eats its tail.

A universal naptime would totally solve all this. I propose every office have a room padded with pillows and mattresses, soft lighting, calming music (Perhaps jungle sounds? Rainwater?) and a no-cell phone policy that would create a relaxing atmosphere for workers to enjoy one hour a day (in addition to their lunch breaks, of course!). You could even schedule that hour so that there were still people working at all times. If I ever own my own company this is totally the first thing I'm putting in the contract: mandatory naptime.

Siesta, anyone?



Jess and Josh said...

My high school gym class had an elective called "meditation." It was effectively 35 minutes of nap time.

And it was wonderful.

Marshall said...

It also increases efficiency, not that it should ever be a reason to do anything. I also want them to be as plush as possible, with toys. It should be an hour of return to childhood, not just nap.

Thank god I'll never have an office job. I dont plan to get into a box until I'm dead! FIght the power>!

Julie said...

um. yeah. im commenting now.. like a bunch of time later.

holler siesta. why?
bc ill take it anyway.