Saturday, March 15, 2008

Pricks on the ACE

Tonight Ashley was kind enough to accompany me on 3 trains (the 6 then the L then the 3) to 34th Street in order to meet a friend of mine from home at a bar across from Penn Station. We were wary from the getgo, due to the location; nothing good is located above 14th street, and nothing even remotely tolerable is located from 30th to 42nd. Anyway, upon arrival we realize we are supposed to meet them at Jimmy's BBQ and Chicken Shack. Okay, I can deal with this. A peep through the window reveals New Jersey beauty queens and their suited counterparts, sipping away on $10 vodka drinks and Bud Light cans. I have to say all this to qualify the following statement: they didn't accept our fake IDs.

Now, our IDs are shitty. We got them freshman year from a guy in Queens with a ponytail. My picture is rubbing off because I went a little overzealous trying to scratch it up to look "realistic." Our signatures are in the font Lucinda Handwriting, which is quite popular among 7th grade girls. I am from West Orange, MD. They could not be more obviously fake.

But they usually work, because we are girls, and we have nice boobs, and to be honest we don't go out that much anyway, and when we do it's to places where we know the people who are throwing the party or the guy at the door. But yeah, we got turned away from Jimmy's Chicken Shack. I was disappointed only because I missed the opportunity to see my friend. Mostly I was just grateful I could return home to put my PJs on, get high and watch TV with my friends.

But on the A train home from Penn Station, we managed to score a spot next to this loud-talking bald douchebag professor, who I'm assuming teaches at a CUNY or some place similar. He started off by talking about how the kids in his "remedial Algebra class are pricks" and have "no respect for him." They apparently answer their phones during class and tell him off and text during tests. Yes, according to him, "this chick kept answering her phone in class, and I had to tell the bitch off." Every single woman he referred to in his self-obsessed, douchebag speech about how his students didn't respect him was deemed a "chick." He then made an off-color comment about a Pakistani student. It, of course, never occurred to him that his students don't respect him because he clearly doesn't respect them.

Did you know they're giving PhD's to assholes now? Well I guess that's kind of old news, but I had no idea someone so out of touch with reality and the academic and student world could be so heavily rewarded. Are these the professors of my generation? Self-conscious mouthbreathers who toot their own horn loudly and with painfully practiced aplomb on the A train from Penn Station to W. 4th? If I follow my current career path and myself end up a professor, are these the department supervisors I'll feel inclined to sleep with to get the curriculum in tip-top shape? Am I relegated to a future of giving assholes blowjobs just so some underprivileged Bachelor's Degree-seeking Bronx kids get an education? Fuck that. Maybe I will just work at Jimmy's BBQ and Chicken Shack.

-Jess

1 comment:

Mazi said...

haha lucida handwriting