Wednesday, January 16, 2008

It's 3am and I'm talking to my ex-boyfriend on iChat about Britney Spears

My ex-boyfriend is a music snob. I'm a culture snob. Together, when after 2 vodka crans, a bowl and 2 Xanax I still cannot sleep, we have conversations like this:

JUSTIN: you know her new song Piece of Me? it's pretty good and like, relatively honest, but dont you think it should have been written by R. Kelly?
JUSTIN: like if he'd written it everyone would just forget about her problems... actually her whole album should have been written by him. she'd become huge again
JESS: nothing could make her huge again at this point. she's too untrustworthy, people have lost faith, not only in her talent but in her ability to be a normal human being, which is what she was marketed as
JUSTIN: but R. Kelly is the master of flipping images. he peed on a 15 year old girl and no one cares anymore
JESS: britney can't be successful again because she's proven that she is the exact opposite of what we are supposed to think she is: normal
JUSTIN: well she was marketed as half sex bomb half cute girl
JESS: which is the prototype of normal girl next store
JESS: ok chuck klosterman
JUSTIN: i dont think she was ever supposed to be normal
JESS: i think she was supposed to be this girl next door figure
JUSTIN: she was supposed to be superhot high school girl who was a virgin
JESS: i mean she wore a schoolgirl uniform, she was preying on that innocent sexuality that her shaved hair and vagina shots have all but ruined
JUSTIN: that's not normal, it's hyper sexual but also virginal perfect
JESS: i think its normal. so it's the balance between what men think women should be
JUSTIN: it's two different archetypes in completely different directions
JESS: and because she didn't keep that balance she can't be successful
JUSTIN: plus her fan base was predominately young girls who just liked to dance to her music
although everyone agreed her new album was pretty good but still no one bought it, so maybe she is inconsolable
JESS: because it's not about talent it's about marketing, it doesn't matter how good her album is musically. she got fat. she lost her kids. she became the archetype for a famedom gone wrong. she can't have a comeback
JUSTIN: she could have reinvented herself
JESS: i agree, she could have, but not now. like the VMA's were her last chance
JUSTIN: but she could
JESS: she botched it. she should just kill herself
JUSTIN: theres room for everything in this country
JESS: if she does i'll be surprised... happily surprised, because who doesn't like baby one more time?
JUSTIN: she just needs to sit down with a panel that include timbaland and stephen hawking and figure out what to do


1 comment:

Prescott said...

You need some deep dickin from a Latino, that'll make you fall asleep right away, and they're no snob at all.