Thursday, January 17, 2008

I May Be Under the Weather, But My Game's Always Been Sick

Note: I'm a little out of it and medicated, so if this entry doesn't fully make sense, well...too bad. You should probably be reading a book or something anyway.

Observations I've Had While Confined To My House The Past Five Days

1. I'm totally not excited for Cloverfield anymore. I was when I first heard about it/saw the teaser a few months back, and even though thousands of pseudo-nerds like myself had probably already seen the trailer numerous times, I still felt like it was my little secret. That was the ingenuity of the viral campaign: the ominously sparse 1-18-08 site that showed only vague pictures of the movie's main characters, the trails of fake corporations' Web sites and products that were buzzed about on message boards but still kept under wraps; even the teaser itself invited the viewer to a sort of "Can-you-see-the-monster" guessing game. Now, though, I see promos for the film everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I don't know who they think is watching Oprah these days, but I highly doubt there are many sci-fi nerds (or, you know, straight men under thirty, for whom Cloverfield is being targeted) watching her blab on about the latest way to deal with those nasty cramps and bloating. So imagine my surprise when I saw not one but two commercials for the movie during yesterday's Oprah (yes, I was watching Oprah, sue me.) Imagine my further surprise when I found an ad for it on Comedy fuckin' Central. MTV has this obnoxious promo that may or may not involve a giveaway, but in the commercial the actual trailer is reduced to about a fifth of the screen size, so I don't quite see its purpose. Point is, advertising-wise, the film went from 0 to 60 in about three seconds, but like the monster in the movie itself, the advertising's sudden arrival has left its victims shellshocked. And sick of it.

2. I clicked the link on the Theraflu page to find out which treatment is right for me, but when I entered my symptoms--despite there being about a thousand different varieties of what is essentially a general pain reliever--nothing matched my exact problems. Wonderful! By the way, in whose freak-of-nature body does a "sore throat" not also involve a "cough"? And what exactly is the difference between "flu" and "severe cold" medication anyway? And why did I spend five dollars on your "hot liquids" treatment when you didn't do anything a simple cup of tea would have achieved?

3. There are only so many times one can read a give issue of People. Trust me. I have absorbed more than I'll ever want to know about Britney's mental illness.

4. Remember Muzzy? More specifically, remember those commercials for Muzzy back in the day, which featured freakin' toddlers speaking in what could only be described as a confusing mix of gibberish, German, and spittle? Yeah, just saw a commercial for it this morning. Who knew it was still around? And that there's (apparently) still a market for it? The problem I always had with Muzzy was: what toddler will really take the time to learn a foreign language? Sure, his brain might be able to process a new language more easily, but honestly, Little Junior probably wants his Spongebob, Mom and Dad, or you can prepare yourself for a fun game of "marathon tantrum." But he'll be able to whine and scream in a whole new language! Adios mio!

5. Why does MTV insist on devoting half its self-promoting commercial time to featuring bland artists nobody cares about? I barely care about Rob & Big in the first place, but when it gets pushed to the right side of the screen, you can bet I don't care at all.

6. I hope it's not weird that I've taken about four showers a day since I got home. Whatever, don't judge me, it feels nice. I think I'm about to take another one now, in fact.

Hoping you keep a smile in your pocket and an Airborne in your drink,
Josh

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