Thursday, December 20, 2007

TMI, in which Jess proves she is half motorcycle gang half old man in an argyle sweater

JESS: look at this message exchange between me and my uncle. and by exchange i mean messages i sent to him:
JESS: my boyfriend is going to be in DC over winter break. he needs a job. do you need an assistant / know of anybody that could use some cheap labor? he likes football and he doesn't smoke weed and he will bum you cigarettes after you've sworn to yourself you've quit. in short he is awesome. please help.
JESS: nevermind he just got a job at borders. thanks for all the hard work and effort i know you were ABOUT to put into this, though. see you at christmas. bring jack daniels.
JOSH: LOL bring jack daniels
JESS: yes, because i am both a rockabilly with a shriveled liver and an old man who mixes it with peppermint schnapps
JESS: simultaneously.
JOSH: or just the cynical aunt who takes swigs from the bottle
JESS: change "aunt" to "unwanted step-grand-daughter" and you've basically got that right
JOSH: at this stage in your life you'd make an awful mother but a terrific cool aunt
JOSH: cuz we all have a cool aunt
JESS: yeah
JESS: my aunt used to be cool but then she had a kid
JOSH: aw
JOSH: that ruins it
JESS: when i was 14 i would stay with her and my uncle in san francisco and they would give me wine and then as the night went on that would progress to vodka and then i'd catch my uncle smoking a spliff in the garage while sitting on the washing machine
JESS: ah, childhood



Michele said...

No wonder you were so eager to spend summers with them. I just want to know why none of this was shared with us when we visited.

Jess and Josh said...

i'm exaggerating