Dear Crazy Woman Who Can't Do Math at Whole Foods,
Okay, you see that sign that says "Express Checkout"? And then it says five items or less? And some of the words are in italics and some are in bold and they're all written in green font because WHOLE FOODS IS GOING GREEN? Well, I guess you don't, because you just had to try to sneak your shopping cart suspiciously filled with heads of lettuce, milk cartons, and boxes of Kashi Go-Lean into the lane next to mine. And then when an employee politely informed you that you indeed had more than five items and as such had to go to the regular check-out, you flipped a shit. You are one of four things:
4) Any combination of the previous three
The worst part is that I've seen you before. Every couple of weeks, usually when the store is closing down but sometimes WHENEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. You're never going to get away with it, and it just makes the rest of us uncomfortable when you start yelling back. Why not avoid the entire problem and go to Gristedes? Organic cheese isn't gonna help you lose weight anyway.