Saturday, December 1, 2007

Mac Attack II

The Mac Dictionary is a wonderful thing. Sometimes, it is also a hilarious thing. The hilarity usually lies in the example sentences it gives for its definitions; from the inane to the non-informative to the borderline offensive, there's always fun to be had when you absolutely have nothing better to do. Here are today's selections:

Tits and ass (word: "tits")- " vulgar slang chiefly N. Amer. (or chiefly Brit. tits and bums) used in reference to the use of crudely sexual images of women."
Sometimes the Mac dictionary assumes too much of its readers, believing them to be high-minded and thoughtful people. We see this with their assertion that those who use the phrase "tits and ass" are referencing marginalizing and shameful depictions of the female species, carved by years of male societal control. I'm sure that's exactly what Sir Mix-A-Lot had in mind when he famously exclaimed, "L.A.T. for the Oakland homeboys" ("large ass and tits," if you didn't know.) Also, "tits and bums." Heh.

Baby- "2 (informal) a young woman or a person with whom one is having a romantic relationship (often as a form of address) : my baby left me for another guy | baby, don't cry!"
The Mac dictionary writers must be lonely people, spending all their time looking up word etymologies and definitions that few will probably ever need to look up. So it makes sense that the example sentences, perhaps the writers' one creative outlet, provide a window into their soul. And this writer, it seems, has a very dark soul, hardened by his failed relationships with past women. His first woman cheated on him, and then his next girl was apparently a depressed psycho who would randomly start crying and was also apparently born in the 1950s, when it wasn't yet weird and outdated to refer to a girl as "baby."

Queer- "spoil or ruin (an agreement, event, or situation) : Reg didn't want someone meddling and queering the deal at the last minute."
Has anyone ever used the word "queer" as a verb? Like, seriously, ever? Because I've never heard it used this way, and I really don't see why anyone would choose to use this word when other words--for instance, "spoil" or "ruin"--work equally well. Unless you're writing one of those learn-this-word kids' books, only it's for gay kids so it has sentences like "Queer Michael was a queer who was queering the surprise party by getting a coke-induced nosebleed right before the birthday boy walked in."

Beer- "an alcoholic drink made from yeast-fermented malt flavored with hops : a pint of beer | I'm dying for a beer."
I mean, maybe the Mac people are so lonely that they are also alcoholics. Ladies, if you ever dip your hand into the singles jar, take out a Mac dictionary writer! He'll buy you a beer, guzzle down a few of his own, and say things like "Baby, you got a nice set of tits and bums." But then he'll tell you not to queer them by drinking too much and thus gaining weight, so maybe don't go out with a Mac dictionary dude.

-Josh

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