Friday, December 14, 2007

Fued of the Cameltoe: Marc Jacobs vs. Dov Charney

Marc Jacobs showed up to an event in New York a few nights ago donning this suspiciously Jeremy Scott-esque costume. (No really, can't you picture Jeremy Scott throwing this on a model and sending her down the runway in the name of irony a la Cory Kennedy's snoopy disaster??) It got me thinking: what would happen if Marc, an apparently passionate anti-camel toe activist, met Dov Charney, founder of American Apparel and obvious lover of all things lamé/spandex/camel toe inducing. This is the exchange I'm picturing:

Marc and Dov run into each other in the men's room of the Waverly Inn. They strike up a conversation when Marc catches Dov cutting fat lines on the top of a urinal.
Marc: (with practiced pretension) Well hello, Dov Charney, how's the spandex business?
Dov: Hello, Marc. Not as good as the weird shoe business. I supposed next season you'll have your models wearing no shoes at all. Har, har! (blows a line)
Marc: (scoffs) I have to say, your support for the camel toe is just disgusting, Dov. There are innocent people in this world who do not want to see the outline of every emaciated, cokehead hipster girls' vag lips. It's not fair, Dov. Think about the children! (lights Marlboro Light 100)
Dov: Children? Ha! Perhaps I shall use them in my next American Apparel ad campaign. Yes... children. Little 12 year olds in all spandex outfits splayed out erotically like Bratz dolls. I can see it now, high above the heads of Manhattanites. But only on the Lower East Side, of course!
Marc: You are sick. I will use all my resources to stop you, Dov, including having Jeremy Scott construct a camel toe costume made out of all dead camel hair and leather. My celebrity will keep you from ever swathing another girl in lamé. You'll see! Destruction is upon you! (Quietly, as an afterthought) Hey, um, do you think I could have a line? I'm trying to keep it interesting, I mean, I do want my own reality show.
Dov: Oh sure but I thought you quit?
Marc: I'm not a quitter, Dov. I won't quit until the war against camel toes is won and my nose collapses into a heap of dried up cartilage and skin. (Rips 3 lines in a row without coming up for air)
-Jess

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha

chris said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chus said...

This is what I think: Dov Chaney