Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Attention all women with post-pregnancy milkbags!

Did you know it's New York State Law to have a "lactation" room available to all women who are nursing? That being said, at my office they are converting a storage closet with millions of dollars of electrical equipment into a lactation room by hanging an ugly Kmart bath curtain and plugging in a lamp. The least they could do is provide a rocking chair and a complimentary breast pump.

Also, if we now need lactation rooms, who's to stop us from being forced to build rooms for other bodily secretions? What about the sperm room, which has walls lined with Playboy and a Sam's Club supply of tissues? Or the spit room, where we can have loogie contests? Or what about the 2 girls 1 cup room?! The possibilities are endless!

I have decided to use the lactation room to smoke cigarettes, and if someone walks in, I will shoot them a deadly look as I cover my breasts with a duck-patterned blanket and say, "What? I can't help it if my breastmilk smells like tobacco! Do I need to report you to our superiors for sexism and/or sexual harassment?"

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