1. We eat hamburgers.
See Also: We're fat.
2. We hate everyone but ourselves.
This is actually true to some extent. There is a scarce market for imported entertainment, and few foreign books and movies are even translated/subtitled in English. Everything revolves around Hollywood. Which is fine because we have Heidi and Spencer. Nanananana!
3. We fuck people before we marry them.
Ever heard of test-driving the car before purchasing it? That statement doesn't really apply here because most people fuck and divorce, and you can't really return a car for 50% wealth and assets and split-custody.
4. One of the biggest centers of popular culture is Florida.
I hear they're fucking CRAZY in Fort Lauderdale, bro!
5. New England likes Lilly Pullitzer and Vera Bradley.
They also build elaborate shrines to JFK, Jr. and charter ferries to the Vineyard for "special holidays."
6. We are scared of black people.
White flight! Everybody out! I hear they're building another culdesac in Westchester! First one to the Tappan Zee Bridge wins a gift certificate to TGIFridays!
If you have not learned enough about yourself from this post, feel free to check out the links listed at the bottom of Mr. Martin Frost's page, which include:
The Secularization of Christmas
Where is Panama anyway? The gulf? Wait, which gulf? Fuck this.