I mean, all I really want for Christmas is my two front teeth, but the following five things would suffice.
1)Elizabeth & James Sequined Dress
As if to balance out their ridiculously overpriced line of American Apparel look-alike clothing, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have released a still ridiculously overpriced line called Elizabeth & James. (According to Ashley, it is not named after their sister and brother, but just so happened to turn out that way during the brainstorming process!) My tendency to be a semi-crazed Olsen aficionado, coupled with my embarrassing love of sequins, has caused me to fall completely in love with this version of the sequins shift MK wore to an event two years ago. At $499.99, it definitely falls under unattainable. I might be more willing to cash in some savings bonds for it if it came with a free gram of coke. These girls need a new marketing team. Go with what you know, ladies!
2)The Digital Volcano Vaporizer
At $669.00, you’d need about 15 friends to chip in on it, and I just don’t have 15 friends, let alone 15 friends willing to buy me an “herbal” smoking device. And somehow I doubt my parents would be able to sleep at night knowing they had bought me such a thing. The horror! The shame! Apparently I’ll be sticking to papers. Sorry, Mom and Dad.
3)A Trip to Paris with my Boyfriend
This is unattainable for two reasons: First, economy class tickets to Paris range anywhere from $900-$2,000, not to mention how much it would cost to stay in the metropolitan area, and I am NOT staying in the French countryside. They have like, no vegetarian food there. Second: I don’t have a boyfriend. Fuck.
4)To be, for one night, as wasted as Amy Winehouse is at any given moment in time.
Trust me, folks. I’ve tried. It’s Just. Not. Possible.