Thursday, November 22, 2007

Cranksgiving

At noon:

JOSH: home ehh. MAKIN A LIQUOR STORE RUN.
ME: talk to me in an hour when i've had a few drinks in me.

At 2pm:

ME: my grandparents' house has a sign outside that says "caution golfers crossing" omg WASP's.
JOSH: my uncle calls joints doobers
(STEP-UNCLE) MICHAEL: you're a dork and so is your uncle
MICHAEL: you have crabs
ME: i'm so drunk i can't lift the platters to pass them around the table

At 3pm:
ME: what should i put on my christmas list?
MICHAEL: an early pregnancy detection test

What are the holidays for if not to get completely wasted in front of your extended family, listen to shitty Beyonce covers of Christmas carols and attempt to stomach your uncles' off-color comments? (Uncle Mark: The U.N. is the worst organization ever invented, all they do is harm.)

Drink up, most of us will be back in the city by Saturday, but it's all uphill until then.

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